one of my goals this summer was to watch less TV and read more books. so far, i'm nowhere even close to accomplishing this. i thought that getting the most basic of cable packages would help me reach this reasonable goal, but i find that even though i only have 20 channels--10 of those being public access/religious/shopping networks--i can't seem to turn the damn thing off even if there is nothing on. with lack of variety, i find myself watching shows i never imagined i would. million dollar password, american gladiators (shitty updated version), and supernanny are all in my weekly rotation.

ew.

i have also watched more minutes of public access than when i was actually ON a public access show in 7th grade. sometimes i would rather watch public access than broadcast tv. that speaks volumes of the quality of the (mostly) free entertainment given by the four multi-million dollar networks. it is no wonder that more and more people are turning to cable and premium channels to find entertainment of a higher quality. so many better options are out there on channels like FX, showtime, HBO, and even TNT. i don't see a bright future for the big four at all.

the irony of all of this is that i'm currently interning at a broadcast station, and these next few weeks i will be assisting with the programming department. they are the ones forced to air the network's shitty schedule, and i am to make sure every shitty program has run without error. ha.

oh, and if i ever get caught watching 'two and a half men,' please murder me in the most torturous and gruesome way imaginable.

i never want to see "the love guru," ever. they're advertising the shit out of it because they know no one wants to watch that pile of turd. that CGI effect with mike myers' head on an adolescent's body is worse than any marlon wayans "little man" bullshit. sorry but this movie just fills me with the rage of a thousand blazing suns.

this week at the internship was a joke. my two bosses are out of town, and we finished the list they left us on tuesday, so the rest of the week was filled with a lot of extended lunches and pretending to be busy. next week i get to work in the programming department, which will hopefully be awesome considering i just adopted it as a possible career choice. the head of the department, craig, is a pretty cool old guy, too. i think if i show him my programming proposal paper that i aced last semester, he may shit himself and then want to take me under his wing and write me a really awesome letter of recommendation for me. i don't know why the hell i waited so long to intern. the only thing that sucks is the not getting paid part. maybe that's why i waited.

thursday is the first maranda's park party, and i'm sort of looking forward to it but i can just picture it being a clusterfuck filled with a thousand screaming children with sticky ice cream hands and it will probably be super hot with 90% humidity. it's only 2 hours long but interns have to meet at the station at 8am, set it up, and stay through teardown. there are only six of these, but they will probably be the six longest days of the whole summer.

maranda is an interesting person. she is a personality at the station i work at, and "personality" is a fitting term, because maranda isn't even her real name. i haven't figured out why she is called maranda yet, and why some people at the station refer to her as that. i think they don't want to break the illusion for the interns, especially because a majority of the interns (but not me) have grown up with her on TV and she has become a fixture in west michigan because of all the positive shit she does for the community. its all a bit ridiculous, and she drives around in a red saturn vue with a big MARANDA logo on the side. there's no doubt she got it for free, but it's still hilarious. last week i had to ride in it to go on some shoots with her for her show, and it was embarrassing because people are just staring at you in the maranda-mobile wondering what the fuck is going on. i'm not going to complain about it too much because i've gotten to do some cool stuff with the maranda crew already, and she took me and the other intern megan to a fancy luncheon last week. M-A-R-A-N-D-A let's park par-tay!

too fucking much.

today was kind of a weird day. i was at the station when the helicopter crash at spectrum hospital happened, and i swear to god the newsroom was acting like we were in the midst of "9/11 part 2: electric boogaloo." the whole thing was kind of ridiculous, and it made me hate the people in the newsroom. that was really the first time i was in there, and the only reason i was in there is because all available personnel needed to be on hand to answer concerned viewer phone calls. i, however, weaseled my way out having to do that because of a lame assignment to help video the behind-the-scenes footage for a promo to air later in the day about how great WOOD TV8 is for being the first to break this semi-important story.

so back in the newsroom tensions were high and everybody was dropping f-bombs in sentences like "get me so and so on the phone NOW god dammit fuck fuck shit fuck big story fuck shit WE GO LIVE IN A MINUTE THIRTY PEOPLE LOOK ALIVE FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK DAMMIT!" it was such a cliche of any movie featuring a newsroom. only problem was that this story resolved itself in about 15 minutes because the fire was put out, there were only minor injuries, and the evacuation plan was executed without a hitch so there really was no reason to cover the story for the full hour. all other stations had already returned to their regularly scheduled program. i guess events like that don't happen in grand rapids everyday so the station thrives on that shit and waits for disasters to happen, and perhaps even causes some tragedies just for the glory of ratings (note: MAY is a sweeps month, could this all have been a sick and twisted ratings stunt? someone call the producers of "loose change" immediately)

the rest of my day there was filled with data entry, which also had elements of excitement. i love this internship.

i'm pretty bored right now. i'm back home in detroit for the holiday weekend and i have nothing to do but sit and update this stupid thing.

so i started my internship earlier this week but only worked tuesday and wednesday, at an event about safe teen driving. so far i think i'm going to enjoy this experience, just as long as i can refrain from making a total ass out of myself-- which is proving to be difficult. i've used the "i'm just the intern" excuse like 12 times already, but it's pretty solid so i'll keep on using it. so far i had to be on camera about 6 times, because apparently part of an intern's job description is camera fodder. i had to be the guinea pig for this device live on the 6pm newscast called the "seat belt convincer," which does exactly what it says. it's an 8mph ride on a driver's seat attached to a pully device that crashes into a block, and then voila, you become a seat belt user for life. so after i rode it i had a mini interview with the reporter and i probably said some stupid shit, but whatever. it's up on woodtv.com so i can always cherish that embarrassing moment. COOL. my boss is the nicest person, actually, everyone i've met so far (except one grumpy camera man) has been really nice. it must be a grand rapids thing. good christian morals and whatnot. we'll see if any rubs off on me. probably not because i swear too fucking much.

my apartment is pretty cool... i got pretty lucky with that whole deal. it's in the perfect location, and being roommates with rachel is super easy. we have so much in common, and we're getting to know each other more and more which could hopefully lead to good things. i'm still feeling things out though, we'll see what happens.

as far as a real job, i have an interview on tuesday at meijer. i don't really want to work at meijer, but i'm at a point where i have to take what i can get. however, i still do have my limitations. i would only want to be a cashier, plus i can only work part-time. we'll see if the good people at meijer will go for that. if not, i could always foray into the exciting world of telemarketing again. SICK.

for the first time in a long time, i am on top of things. we ended up getting the place in grand rapids, which is a huge relief. i also signed a lease for an apartment at jamestown for next year. it's kind of a shithole, but it has a lot included which helps me out a lot. as much as i like the apartment i stayed in this past year, nothing was included at all and that can get way expensive. and i really don't care where i live, i've lived in worse places (twyckingham).

i hate moving and everything that goes along with it.

i need to find a job as soon as i get to GR because irresponsible me wants to buy a wii with my economic stimulus package. the way i see it, if i just use that money to pay my rent or my credit card bill then it negates the purpose of stimulating the economy. which of itself sounds super erotic, like i'm stroking the taint of the federal reserve chairman. i figure president bush wants me to have a wii anyways, because a wii will allow me to forget how terrible things are right now, like those high gas prices (i filled up for a cheap $3.87/gal. today!). good thing i will live within walking distance to the WOOD-TV building so i don't have to deal with that ridiculousness. so in the end it will all be okay because even though i'll be poor, playing all that wii and walking to my internship everyday will make me a pretty fit and muscular poor person.

and isn't that, ultimately, the american dream?



my acid is totally refluxing right now.

last week my sister was diagnosed as having bell's palsy. it's this really weird facial paralysis that only affects one side of the face. she thought it was a stroke, but it's definitely not that bad. it isn't all that serious, and it should go away eventually, but for right now it sucks. she's been through a lot since becoming a mom. first it was the cracked pelvis, and then a hernia, and now this. bummer. she'll get better though. i don't think she's upset about it because jackson pretty much the cutest baby ever. cheeks for days!

now that i'm back in school i have the pleasure to enjoy summer break again. if things go well, this may be the best summer ever. i'm still trying to find a place in grand rapids. there was a change in plans and now rachel and i are going to find a place together. living together could be interesting, and hopefully it isn't a giant disaster. the place we looked at yesterday was awesome...it had the best location possible, literally down the street from the studio and walking distance to downtown. it also had a roof top deck, a patio, a den (potential Wii room), and a shower. i list shower because the last 2 places i viewed only had bathtubs; apparently that is not uncommon in heritage hill, seeing as how the houses are way old. so now we have to wait back and hear if we got the apartment. supposedly there is some competition.

i'm excited to start my internship. i hope i can work with the programming director because that is my new calling. i fucking loved my programming class, and i think it's something i could be really good at. and of course i definitely want to work in the graphics department. i really hope i'm not JUST going to get to do dumb shit like making copies, although i'm expecting to have to do that a lot.

oh, i totally aced everything this semester. 4.0.

music i like right now

pancho villa - sun kil moon
california one/youth and beauty - the decemberists
bird on a wire - rogue wave
psychotic girl - the black keys
winding wheel - ryan adams
damascus - sufjan stevens
bottle up and explode - elliott smith
teardrop - jose gonzalez
this time tomorrow - the kinks
weekend wars - MGMT
neverending math equation - modest mouse
he lays in the reins - calexico and iron & wine
50 ways to leave your lover - paul simon
beast of burden - rolling stones
california - rogue wave
gentle moon - sun kil moon
southern cross - crosby, stills & nash
the tallest man, the broadest shoulders - sufjan stevens
let it ride - ryan adams and the cardinals
10 A.M. automatic - the black keys
jolene - ray lamontagne
same old thing - the black keys

its finals week, and i already found out i got a 96% in programming. too bad grades don't mean anything in grad school.

light at the end of the tunnel.

i've written more papers in the past 2 months than i have my whole undergraduate career. for reals. i'm learning to become a better writer because of it though ...and by better writer, i mean better bullshitter. that's all papers are anyway. bullshit.

just when i think i have my summer plans figured out, i get an email from detroit PBS about interning there. i'm probably just going to go to the interview and see what they say. although PBS is more reputable, i don't think i would learn as much there as i would at a commercial station. who knows, it's just an interview anyways and not even guaranteed.

i get to be the one to teach him swear words!

i'm an uncle, finally!

Jackson Thomas Hemker.

cool ass middle name, right? she literally just had it so i don't know the weight or length or anything. looking at my sister though you'd think this thing weighed more than i do.

so much to do today.

so there was another riot in east lansing over the weekend, and people are asking "why?" true, it did not coincide with MSU's embarrassing loss to memphis that happened a week prior, but this riot was not just a random act of anarchy and/or assbags-gone-wild. stop signs were knocked over as part of a protest, a protest... of stop signs. those smug octagons have been ordering us around for years, and it's about time for an uprising. last time i checked, this was america. land of the free. if i just want to yield with caution, then i should be able to yield with motherfucking caution. it's in the constitution. where? under article one, section I DON'T GIVE A GOOD GOD DAMN WHAT YOU THINK. i congratulate the brave revolutionaries down in east lansing for taking the necessary steps to fight the red army. the red, 8-sided army. viva la revolucion.

taint sweat. fun fact: 50% of those arrested after the riots are MSU students. 100% of those arrested after the riots are ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHOLES.





i'm going to be an uncle later today. wooooooooooooo!

IT'S APRIL?! more like RAPE-RIL.

time to put it into overdrive and crank out some A+ material for classes. also, i don't know how involved i will be in greer's podcast project, but i did come up with a reasonable name for it and i helped post flyers around campus today for the first meeting. if anyone knows the joys of flyer-posting around a campus for a new group, it's me. i'm kind of happy that CMU is about 1/4 the size that MSU is. the name of the podcast will be... The Current: CMU on Demand. how boring and generic, just like mt. pleasant!

my sister is STILL PREGGERS. going on one day overdue. that's gotta suck big time. i talked to her on wednesday and she is about ready to murder somebody. poor scott was on spring break this week, too. i'm keeping my distance until post-delivery. i hear sex can help induce labor, but i don't want to be the one to offer that advice to her, nor think about if they have already tried that technique.

in related news, there was a pregnant man on oprah this week.

my sister is about to pop any day now. her leave started last friday, so she is just sitting around waiting for that baby to come. i feel bad for her. my mom will be staying with her for a couple weeks after the baby comes, for extra help and whatnot. i'm going to be honest, i'm not a fan of babies. i don't know how to hold them, change them, or feed them. i hope my sister doesn't expect this of me because if she does, i picture me getting into some sort of scenario like those from the early seasons of full house where michelle is still a baby and joey and jesse get into wacky situations and michelle ends up in a roasting pan with no diaper on covered in baby powder. ha. ha ha. rip off of "three men and a baby".

i got my internship with WOOD TV8 in grand rapids. i had the "interview" yesterday, but it really wasn't an interview. i guess jon was a rockstar there and went above and beyond for them, so since he recommended me, they were happy to have me as part of their team this summer. i owe jon big time. i got a studio tour, and a tour of all their facilities. joy, the executive producer for the community affairs department, was so nice and introduced me to everyone. she said i can work in any department i want, and rotate just to get a feel for everything. i was a little intimidated because there is a lot of expensive equipment, and i don't have the best record for being gentle with fragile things. oh well, i want to learn as much as i can this summer, and i'm going to take full advantage of this oppotunity. i know i'm going to be overwhelmed, but that's okay. i'm just the intern.

expecting to get this internship, i've already begun talking to this guy who is renting out his room for the summer. the apartment building is literally right around the corner from the studio. the neighborhood the studio is in is right by downtown and right by the van andel research institute, where rachel has her internship this summer. we'll get to hang out for lunch breaks and stuff, maybe. i'm getting pumped. plus, grand rapids isn't too far from my sisters so i can still be uncle tommy to little baby no-name.

i turned in my application for the assistantship for next semester. i hope all the spots aren't filled up already. patty was supposed to put a good word in for me, but i'm a little worried because dr. orlik, the head of the department who chooses the assistants, was my professor for media criticism and i didn't really show my enthusiasm for his class. hopefully he has forgotten about that shitty paper i wrote for him. it was terrible. i don't remember if it actually had an ending. i should be finding out in a couple weeks. it would be great if i got paid to go to school. first paying job in a year. yeesh.

how have i never seen this video before?



i can't stop watching it. i wouldn't even mind if these robots decided to team up and take over the world because they're so damn awesome.

the semester only has 6 weeks left. in that time, i must complete:
-bca612 paper, due 3/27. i have the hardest sections done, only about 7 more pages to write.
-bca602 paper, due 4/15. i'm going to just use parts of my bca612 paper for this, no biggie.
-bca519 tv programming progject, due 4/21. this will most likely suck.
-bca519 10 page paper that only grad students have to write, due 4/28. i can now write 10 page papers in my sleep.
-journal critique, 2 presentations, and other various quizzes and assignments.

the good thing about writing the bca612/602 paper is that i can re-use it for my plan B proposal because it is exactly what i want to write my thesis on. "how and why college students use Internet applications rooted in participation and interactivity to gain information about the 2008 presidential election." i have already started on the survey i will have to administer to my sample population of college students, and my advisor says it looks good so far. even the professor in the department who is good at statistics said she would help me with my survey results after i get them all in november. that's good, because i know jack about SPSS and survey data.

i'm also signing up for an interesting class next semester that is all about the election and political communication, which totally relates to my study. hopefully it will be worthwhile and not a waste of money. i also am signing up for the broadcast and cable management class that is taught by the professor i hate, and i heard it is fucking terrible. i'm going to see if i can take "baseball in movies" instead, although that would DEFINITELY be a waste of money.

i have an interview in grand rapids next friday with the community action department at WOOD. jon recommended it to me, so i went for it and the head lady of it sounds like she wants to show me around to meet everyone so that's a good sign. i just need a place to live in grand rapids this summer that is near the studio, or see if anyone at grand valley is subletting. i hate moving. that means i would have to find a new place in mt. p for the fall, unless i sublet my current place to someone, and that sounds super complicated right now with all the other shit i have to do. i'm looking forward to working in grand rapids because i will literally be blocks away from where rachel will be working, and we can hang out and do whatever we want. plus, i know other people in GR... (ZACH KORTE, THAT'S YOU).

alright, library time.

on monday i returned from what turned out to be a pretty awesome spring break. i ended up taking a trip to philly and NYC to visit with jena and then jackie (and her brother charlie, who i can't stand). it was my first time to philly, and my second to NYC, although i don't know if i really count the first as a complete trip. the drive was really great; it was serene, and the weather cooperated for both drives there and back. i bought the audiobook version of "into the wild" to listen to for the drive because i really want to see the movie, and figured the book had to be good. i was right. it's a pretty inspiring true story, although a little sad. i think i could relate to it because chris mccandless was not unlike me in some respects... same age, privileged white kid from the burbs. i just don't have the monster-sized balls to actually venture out into alaska like that. i like money, access to food at all times, and a comfortable bed.

once i arrived in philly, jena showed me around west philly and then we ate in chinatown. best wonton soup i ever had. we called it an early night because we wanted to see as much of the city as possible before leaving for new york. the next morning we went downtown and it started to get shitty outside and remained shitty until i had to drive home. SUCK. we saw the liberty bell and independence hall, and that was cool, and then ate some more good food. it was downpouring so i couldn't run up the steps from "rocky" but we drove by them, and then left for new york. to get to new york you have to drive through new jersey, and i definitely wouldn't count that as a highlight of the trip. new jersey lived up to its poor reputation, especially around NYC where it smelled like the inside of a dead elephant's asshole.

we made it to NYC in about 2.5 hours with all the traffic. jackie lives in brooklyn, in williamsburg, which is a hipster haven. honestly, i didn't see what was so special about it. her apartment was a depressing shithole that was way too hot, way too small, and way too loud. jena was lucky enough to get to spend 2 nights there. charlie's apartment, where i spent the nights, was a little bigger but set up very strangely. it took me a while to figure out where the kitchen and the bathroom were because you had to go down the hall and go through a seperate door. pretty weird.

not to complain about petty shit, but if you're in brooklyn, you'd expect some brooklyn-style pizza, right? then why the fuck did we order papa johns? i was so disappointed. haha oh well. that night, we did some bar hopping and that was cool. i liked the bar with the arcade games in it, because they were only a quarter. arkanoid! tetris! at this other bar, this random dude and his australian friend wanted to hang out with us (because we kick ass) but the american guy was a creepster and fantasized that jena was his wife and would not give up on that joke the entire time. hmmm. so we left, went back, played poker until 5am, and i woke back up at 9am.

because of lack of sleep, i was a complete zombie all saturday. that didn't stop me from enjoying manhattan. times square was cool, but it was still shitty out. we went to see a broadway show called "passing strange," and it was pretty entertaining. good music, good story, drug references, you can't go wrong. after that, tommy needed a nap. back to brooklyn. we were planning on going back out to manhattan to go to a movie and out after, but the damn subway broke down. however, i think i had more fun on the subway platform than anywhere else in new york because i was slaphappy and hallucinating due to lack of sleep. i swear those posters had eyes that were following me. we decided just to call it an early night, and i passed out. it was glorious.

next day, when it was time to leave, it was sunny. of course. we drove back through jersey, and i couldn't wait to shower in philadelphia. after my shower, it was back on the road for another 10 hours. i liked the drive back just as much. pennsylvania is the best drive-through state, and there is a lot of beautiful scenery: mountains, tunnels through mountains, the site of the 9-11 pennsylvania plane crash (oooh! ahhh!), amish country, and a place called beaver.

all in all, a good time. i'm glad that i now have friends that are scattered about the country because now i have interesting and CHEAP places to visit.

while i'm glad that as a student again i can enjoy spring break, i find that if you don't actually partake in spring break-themed activities, alls spring break means is prolonged torture and endless boredom.

i've been trying to be productive, writing the various papers that are due upon my return to school, but i just can't. how can i when it's so glorious outside? oh wait. it WAS 60 degrees today, for approximately 32 minutes, and now it's snowing. i think mother nature gets off on taunting me. that, and watching the devil assrape david wain. i'm referring to this:



anywho, i wish i were somewhere sunny. i hear that it's always sunny in philadelphia, but television has been known to lie to me before. i hope i hear back from rachel about going there, otherwise i'll have to take the malibu. do i dare defy GMAC and their stifling mile restrictions? fuck yeah. i need a trip somewhere outside of the midwest, even if it is to a region with a nearly identical climate. philadelphia has playgrounds where i can spend most of my days. and there's also cream cheese factories. and a lonely business lady.

next year for spring break, i'm going somewhere cool. somewhere that there's a senor tadpole's, so i can have a margarita made in my mouth.

i'm on a roll!

-i kicked major ass on my programming presentation on monday... blew everyone else out of the water. i even got stopped in the hall afterwards to be showered with praise. everybody deserves a little ego stroke now and again.
-i'm applying for the grad assistant position for next semester, and i'm pretty much a shoe-in. after talking with my professor about what i would have to do to be considered, she said not to worry and she would put in the good word for me. this is the same professor whose socks i just blew off with the amazing presentation.
-my policy professor who i HATED last semester stopped me after class last thursday and asked if i was interested in submitting last semester's term paper to the AEJMC conference for this year because it could easily get in. unfortunately, i would have to punch it up a lot, i have 3 papers to write and the deadline is april 1st. but there's always next year.
-greer and i brainstormed last night and came up with a great outline for the survey i'm using in my research proposal for this term, and could potentially be turned in with my prospectus for my plan B.

it's spring break and i could very well be heading out on a budget road trip to philadelphia and new york city to visit some good friends and have some good times.

i just wish things were looking better as far as stuff with chrissie goes. she couldn't come and visit because she got a new job, and we were supposed to see each other tonight, but that never happened either. whatever.

i feel like an actual adult now, and i have a busy year lined up for myself already. alls i need is the PBS internship to come through and like bea arthur, i'm golden.

THIS IS REAL?

THIS IS REAL!

LET ME REPEAT...

THIS IS REAL.

how many more songs do you think will feature the word "shawty" this year? i'm going to guess 16 more.

i was watching TV today, as i constantly do, and something really bothered me. it was a commercial for dunkin donuts that made fun of a certain other nameless coffee chain's terminology for their sizes and products, saying that it was too confusing to order things there because everything was either in french, italian, or "fritalian," and that at dunkin donuts, you can just order in english thus making it less confusing. they then show a man drinking a dunkin donuts LATTE. this is where the ad geniuses sort of fucked up. the word LATTE is not english, it's italian. WHOOPSY! dunkin donuts... you FAIL.

an ITT tech commercial also bothers me. it's the one where the guy is like "what did i like about ITT tech? ...(long awkward pause)... i liked everything about ITT tech." such a cop out. that means he liked NOTHING about it. he probably didn't even go there. he probably went to DeVry. tool.